“I’m sure my web people thought I had taken leave of my senses, when I started posting a steady stream of Tarot and astrology stuff! I went from posting search engine optimization tips to a constant stream of daily Tarot forecasts and astrology articles.”
“Has anyone from high school contact you to…”
“…let me know I’m going to Hell?” I finished. I always called my hometown the “Buckle on the Bible Belt,” after all. While I have respect for Christianity, the group as a whole takes a dim view of star watching and card reading.
“No, not yet. But it’s only a matter of time. The question is, who is it going to be first? It could be family as likely as somebody from high school. It’s not like I’m trying to hide it anymore. All they have to do is Google me, and within minutes, it’s pretty clear what I do. I use my real name and picture everywhere.”
By the time Saturn finished it’s way through Virgo, I didn’t much care anymore who knew what. I was tired of keeping only part of myself visible, constantly monitoring who might have a bad reaction to what. While is was probably more prudent than just putting my color on display, I ceased tracking.
I’m in my mid forties now–if I cannot just “be” at this point, how I am and who I am, when is that ever going to happen? I’m going to start living more true when I’m fifty? Sixty? Am I waiting for my parents to pass on first? For more people to start finding it acceptable? To become somehow mainstream?
Because how I think is not mainstream. Not in this lifetime. My friend Uranus sees to that. I’ll always be the crazy cat lady because it’s in my DNA. I could impersonate mainstream, but I think little bits of my soul would be burned up in the process. And therein lies the crux–Hell, to me, is living without integrity, feeling the need to hide or lie about who I am.
Whatever skills and potentials I’ve been blessed enough to receive, I want to utilize! Gifts cannot shine if you’ve got them packed in the back of the closet, huh? Somebody may think what you make is ugly. But somebody else will find it beautiful. And besides, you really keep it out for yourself, anyway. You know?
Are you out of the woo-woo closet?