It used to be, whenever there was any kind of disruption in my home life, I felt like it was because I hadn’t said or done the right thing, whatever the Hell that means.
You know. Your mate is depressed? Must be disappointed with the relationship! Your kid is struggling? Must have done something wrong! Money’s tight? What have I done wrong to cause it? How could I have kept this from happening?
Repeat after me: “It’s not all about me.” Really.
The Ten of Pentacles is usually better received upright—inverted, while family prosperity and harmony is definitely still the topic, there’s some disruption there. The Housewive’s Tarot version is interesting, in it showing the happy housewife holding up the huge plateful of family perfection all alone. Or as pictured here, she’s about ready to see it come crashing down!
In every family unit, there is the part (i.e.the individual), and the whole. And while one part can absolutely disrupt the whole, the energy of the whole is dynamic and gestalt, much more than any individual part.
My ego-laden tendency to take all the blame when something was off at home was half right. My energy IS part of the whole and how I’m doing, good or bad, impacts all. But not always how you’d expect.
One person can become the designated carrier for the crazy, or the designated crier, or the designated worrywart. It tends to cover up similar energy in other family members when this happens. If that person manages to outgrow the label, all sorts of dust can get blown out and dirty up the family story.
Look at your designated role, be it in your family of birth, of marriage, or even your family of friends. Are you comfortable with the role you have? Do you want to keep it? Realize, if it’s not working the way you’d like, it’s a result of both your energy but also that of the others’ who are a part of this group. Altering your own frequency will impact the group, but not necessarily in a predictable way.
It takes a lot of compassion and love to accept people where they are at—and this includes the self. Don’t take responsibility for the entire family’s well-being. Just take responsibility for YOU, and for making yourself better. For the rest of the crew, it’s their path and they are walking it, even if next to you doing so. Support and love them, sure! But don’t try to commandeer blame (or credit) for their lives. Self-determination trumps the group dynamic.
Do you tend to take the blame for family issues?
 | The Housewives Tarot by Paul Kepple |
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I used to, but now I’ve gotten very good at not doing that anymore.
Thanks for this. I sometimes go overboard with the “You create your own reality” thing, and think it is ALL about me and my responsibility for creating it exactly the way it is. I am starting to see it as more of a co-creation, and I can take responsibility for how I respond but perhaps not for all of creation. (!)
Well in a group situation, sometimes all you have control over is how attached to the question itself you are, and how you frame it in your own head.