12/03/11: Facing Up to Pain |Rev Knave of Wands/ Rev 5 of Chalices

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." Khalil Gibran

The unthinkable had happened, and I was stunned. Shocked, numb and overwhelmed. I started shaking and crying and knew, somehow, it had to all be a mistake. How could there be a God, when I’d prayed so long and hard, and more than that, KNEW I was right, that I wanted only good and had done my best to do my part? I didn’t accept it. It simply couldn’t’ stand. That was it. And to Hell with God! I was done praying and considering myself agnostic. I’d show God: I declared myself an atheist!

This was my Saturn return—losing custody—and although I’ve had other challenging experiences since, it stands out as one of those snapshots in time when I’ve been hit with more pain than I knew how to handle. I opted for the 2-for-1 combo package of rage and denial to get me through the worst of it. I’d be a liar if I said that whole gig didn’t last long. To give you an idea, I had a  grocery sack full of Christmas presents sitting in the back of the closet for FIVE YEARS.

Maybe you’re a quicker learner than me. I sure hope so.


Today’s Tarot is the inverted Page of Wands (Earth in Fire) and the inverted Five of Cups (Mars in Scorpio). Sometimes, it’s easy enough to immerse yourself in a frenzy of activity and distraction to avoid feeling the pain of losses. Don’t. I’m not saying don’t give yourself occasional breaks from despair. I’m saying don’t bury it under a huge to-do list. The longer you refuse to look, the more control it has taken unconsciously.

Sometimes, you’ve just got to cry your tears before you can take note of  the cups are still standing. Accept where your at and meet it with whatever faith you can muster there is a higher vision, even if you can’t see it. Otherwise, refusing to see is going to bury (Scorpio) that battle (Mars). That’s when pain begins to drive your life without you noticing, and that’s not where we want to be.

Instead, why not work through (Mars) the darkness (Scorpio)? If you voice your anger (Mars) and mourn what’s dead (Scorpio), you’re discharging the energy. Feeling it all is no fun I’ll grant you, but it’s a whole lot easier than keeping it under wraps. Then, life becomes much easier to build, with a clearer understanding, a solid foundation and all your faculties intact. You’ve got the energy to walk your own path, no longer need it for obscuring the hurt. It just becomes part of your larger understanding. And if you’re lucky, maybe you can use that insight someday to help others. I sure hope so.

How do you handle pain? Face, bury, or somewhere in between?

Tarot of the New Vision (English/Spanish)
by Lo Scarabeo

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Everyday Tarot, 06/68/11: Riding Out the Five of Cups

five-cups-legacy-tarotNo getting away from it. If you’ve got an ouchie, it just stings. You feel the sting, accept it, and keep on living, you know? As much and as soon as you can manage, you keep on living.

cups05sToday’s Tarot Forecast is the Five of Cups or “Lord of Loss in Pleasure,” associated with Mars in Scorpio. Quite elegantly, this card speaks to loss and grieving.

I like this version, because the woman here does hold the remaining two cups instead not seeing, having the emotional value behind her, as traditionally illustrated. She still feels the pain, but at least, she knows what she still has intact!

I think of Five of Cups energy as akin to eating something that’s toxic—you feel sick and it seems like it will last forever, but the poison just has to be processed before it leaves your system. It sure is challenging to think in those terms when you are reeling from nausea, though.

The good news is that Tarot fives are very dynamic, active forces. You don’t stay here forever. This energy is invariably in motion, and while the impact may linger, the emotional state generally doesn’t unless you actively nurse it. “Change” is just as much a keyword here as “conflict.”

sad-kittyWhen I’m in this place, all to be done, really, is accept the emotional upset as normal, necessary, and healthy to acknowledge—riding it out. The reaction (Mars) comes from deep within (Scorpio), and it’s not especially pretty. But it is real, and feeling it is part of expending that gut-churning sorrow, you know? It takes massive energy expenditures to try and submerge and deny this, so it’s often a better bet to allow it.

The Five of Cups signals me to acknowledge sorrow and loss. Do make efforts to protect what remains of what you value, but don’t try to recreate the circumstances you’ve lost. Truly, things never will be the same. That’s okay—you can love yourself and what comes anyway.  It doesn’t mean things cannot be as good or better than before. Just not the same.

You feeling the Five of Cups?

Legacy of the Divine Tarot
by Ciro Marchetti

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