Butterfly Signs: Figure it out.

20130716_100835I’m sitting outside visiting with my daughter. She points out the white butterfly.

“Yeah, I’ve been seeing a white butterfly every single time I come outside for a while now. If I’m outside five minutes, I see him.”

“Is it the same one?” she wants to know.

“Sometimes I see a few together, so I’m figuring not. Just every time I go outside, I see the same kind of tiny, white butterfly. So I kind of think of him as being the same one.”

“It’s a sign, Mom! It’s a sign! It’s a sign!” she chirps.

I’m amused without letting on–because there was a day she would have made fun of me for saying what she just said, even though she was maybe joking. Kind of, anyway. 60% joke, or maybe it’s 40% joke. 

“What do they mean?” she asks.

“I dunno.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?!? Look that shit up in a dream dictionary! It’s a sign, you need to find out what it means.”

“Butterflies have lots of meanings. Usually related to transformation. But I don’t know about white. Someone did tell me, sometimes it’s someone who’s passed.”

“It’s a sign, figure it out.” She must get her bossiness from her father.

I’m still seeing them. And no, I haven’t figured out what he’s trying to tell me. But I don’t mind all all. I enjoy seeing him. A friendly sign, for sure!

Do you get signs?

Scorpio Toad

Old lawn chairs = free plant stands!

The sunshine eventually gets me off my ass every year, to address the front porch. Arranging flower pots, organizing and positioning everything in anticipation of the patio garden season.

I finally tackled out the stack of leaves I’ve ignored all winter as they wedged themselves in between the fence planks and flower pots. I dug them out with an old broom, damp and clumped together due the morning’s rain. But I’ll get ’em!

Sweep, sweep, sweep… Hmmm. They really are sticking, huh? 

“C’mon, leaves. Leave!”

Pleased with my cleverness, I snort and continue. Sweep, sweep, sweep. Sweep, sweep.

What IS that? It’s too heavy. Parting the leaves with the edge of the broom, I take a better look.

Oh! A toad. But not like any toad I’ve ever seen. He’s ALL black, including his eyes, which move oh-so-slowly. Completely and utterly matte black, and I’ve got to say, he’s about the Zen-est toad I’ve ever seen. I’d been sweeping this sucker all over the porch, going, “Why do these leaves feel heavy?” and he doesn’t budge.

He looks up at me, calmly following my motion with one ebony eye. He waits. I nudge him, he repositions himself and waits. Black eye, just staring.

I feel a little guilty, but he can’t hang in the leaves because they aren’t staying in the middle of the porch. I don’t want to offend him, though. Toads by the door are great Feng Shui–they fetch money to your door–and I think, “Hey, maybe he’s a friend of Ganesha.” Wouldn’t want to be rude.

I swept the rest of leaves away. Hell. I didn’t really have a funky Plutonian-toad-friendly hideout awaiting, so I scooted him into a corner behind a couple of flower pots, apologizing aloud and inviting him to hang there. (No, I have no effen’ clue why they neighbors think I’m crazy.)  It had some cover, but also an escape route when he’s ready to go.

He stayed there while I finished sweeping and coffee, bidding him farewell before coming in to Google his ass. What kind of toad, and what do black toads symbolize? You know, I couldn’t find a single damn picture that looked like him, nor did I see an all-black variety listed on any regionally appropriate wildlife guides.

I have no idea what kind of toad he was, expect that he seemed to have a very Pluto kind of vibe.

The first thing I run across web searching the symbolism was Toads as witches familiars, and I laughed out loud. I’ve been getting a lot of witch references lately, so perhaps I was being reunited with a familiar or from a former life.

The black toad is evidently also a symbol in alchemy for Plutonian process of fermentation.  Evidently, frogs and toads have quite the symbolic history. Transformation is not a surprising recurring theme, considering the whole tadpole-to-frog metamorphosis. Toad secretions have been used as both poison and medicine. The Toad has been viewed as auspicious and evil and everything any between, depending on who and when you asked.

Me and my Scorpio can relate. But regardless if they were revered or feared, it seems they credited with powerful magic. Scorpio can still relate.

My astrologer just told me, I AM Mercury touring the Underworld. She suggests I work my Pluto. Maybe my black toad friend came to remind me of that. You think?

Or not. I don’t know. I speak cat fluently, but not Black Toad.

Do animals bring you messages?


Astrological Symbols & Houses Cheatsheet

If you’re studying astrology, here is a little cheat sheet from my software–click on the image for a larger (if slightly rough-looking) version or better yet, download the PDF Astrology Symbol Key–hope it’s helpful

Any other armchair astrologers about?

Messages at the Right Time

I didn’t get very far in. But far enough.

I was so nervous! I had the brochure in hand, grabbed a little sheepishly from the networking table at the last psychic fair I’d gone to. Some there advertised having been trained by this lady, so that counted as credentials to me. I’ve figured out by that point I could sling a Tarot card to reasonably good effect but had no idea what I was doing. I wanted background, guidance, ideas. I was looking for some clue, as to what I should be doing.

I’d read every word in that light brown brochure a dozen times, maybe two. I’d done Tarot readings on going, asked for signs, prayed. Everything I could think of, looking for some kind of guarantee, this was what I should be doing. All systems were go. I was simultaneously mesmerized and terrified.

The brochure said the teacher was one of the “Ascended Masters.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Really? How on Earth would you verify such a thing, anyway? Do you just wake up one day and realize this? Is there a certification committee? Is this indication she’s very spiritual or very full of it?

I decided it didn’t matter, anyway. Whether there actually existed ascended masters or whether she was one was ultimately irrelevant. Only if there was something for me to learn there. I had just gotten a decent car. So the drive over to her house was feasible, if a bit long. The costs were reasonable and per-class, so there was no ongoing roadblock to going. Basically, I had no real-world excuse.

I was still pretty green, out-of-the closet. In that place where you know there’s something there, you feel it in your gut, but you’re still scared to mention it to others. Because YOU already feel kind of insane, and you’re not looking for a damned second opinion! My husband did a lot as far as encouraging me. He could see my interest, and suggested I get more involved. Had he been dismissive or acted as if I were being ridiculous, I don’t know how long it may have taken me to dip my toe back in. But he did encourage me, and so I showed up.

There were maybe 15 people, in a big room upstairs, at the teacher’s home. I wasn’t sure what I was expected–but that wasn’t it. She felt warm and kind, though, and I liked the environment. Even the folks there that sound kind of nutty (and there were some) were kind and mostly pleasant to be around. I fit in, as much as I do anywhere. There were lectures, discussions, and a guided meditation. I enjoyed myself.

At one point during the evening, went around the class, asking why were all there. God, I was nervous. I knew so little about all this stuff. Just bits and pieces. Mercury-Saturn was terrified of saying something incredibly stupid.  And I thought, hard. Why was I there? Really, why? What did I hope to get?  I want to find out I’m not crazy. I want to learn to be a better person. I want to…understand. I want to know whatever they’re willing to tell me.

“Messages,” I settled on, as it came to be my turn. “I’m looking for ways to hear the messages.”

The teacher snorted, waved her hand and said, “Of course! That’s why were all here,” as if I were saying the sky was blue or water’s wet. She’d already moved on as my face hotted up.  Not so obvious to me. Just the idea we CAN get messages without legitimately qualifying for a psychiatric diagnosis still was recent news to me. But I knew the issue was mine and took in the confirmation.

At the end of the night, to close we pulled little affirmations papers out of a hat. Kind of the first official message, right?! I reached, exited as my turn came…out pops “Forgiveness.”

Damn it! Really? Forgiveness? FORGIVENESS?! Is that the best you can do, Spirit? I felt utterly deflated. On the other hand, the teacher was thrilled.

“Oh, that’s a good one!” she piped up with pleasure. I’m sure I must have looked at her as if she’d grown three heads. “It frees us to connect with spirit! Forgiveness is a very. very high energy. That’s a very powerful, wonderful affirmation to draw!”

Or something like that. I have trouble remembering exactly. I was too busy being pissed off, over being reminded of the hurt I carried around; betrayals and rejection and pain I’ve been working so hard to numb. So I could stop feeling like such a bitch for being so bitter and just be happy again, you know? I wasn’t there to remember all that. I was there to forget.

I had right to be pissed, mind you. My wounds were real and well-earned. To just release all of it without fanfare seemed akin to donning a “Doormat” T-shirt and splaying myself on the ground. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but that teacher sure acted like it was important. So I resolved to open myself up to the idea, and go about my business.

I kept trying to go to more classes, but unexpectedly started having problems with the car I’d just bought. I’d signed on to the “you create your own life” concept, but sure the Hell couldn’t figure out why or how I was somehow creating obstacles to continue attending these classes that I liked. I also didn’t understand why it seemed so clear I was led to going, to only be able to attend a minute. Was I that useless? Why didn’t the Universe help, if I was supposed to be there?

It took me a while to integrate that message. But it was there, exactly when I needed it. Holding on to those wounded feelings IS what stood in my way. Being able to transcend the energy meant I didn’t have to carry it. I could access a higher vibration and feel better. And each time I can achieve the same for hurts big and small now, I get the same lift of love and higher vibration that clears my channel just a little more. That’s the only real message I got out of the classes because, at that point in my life, that’s the message everything else hinged on. That’s the lesson I needed.

Everything comes clear at the right time, don’t you think?

Sign of…confusion?

I’m always looking for signs. So it caught my attention, when I got a weird phone message on the tech support inbox for my business line Sunday evening.

“Hello. This is Maxine Crazylady. Call me back at 555-1212. I’m calling about…[insert full 30 second pause here]…I don’t know why I’m calling. I-found-you-or -something-mutter-mutter…anyway, call me back…..Maxine. Crazylady. Call me at 555-1212….Call me back………I like karma.” Click.

The funny thing is that for a few minutes, I actually planned on calling her back. Seriously. The woman says she doesn’t know why she called me and winds up with the declaration, “I like karma,” as if she were saying “I like oatmeal” or something, and I’m feeling an obligation to call her back?! What kind of crazy is that I’ve got there anyway? And can I get it off?

Maybe it’s a sign I need to mind my boundaries. Or maybe she had the secrets of the universe to reveal, and I was too short-sighted to call her befuddling, crazy ass back.

Or not. Probably not.

What would you think this is a sign of?