09/08/11: Savior versus Supporter | Reversed Ten of Wands


Do not remove a fly from your friend’s forehead with a hatchet.” –Chinese Proverb

I am very prone to biting off more than I can comfortably chew. I won’t say it’s “more than I can chew,” because once I’ve committed, I almost always WILL finish the job or die trying. Whether it’s mine or not, I believe I can do it quicker, easier, and better than most anybody else. This would be insufferably egotistical to say if it weren’t usually true. But egotistical or not, it’s still stupid.

At the time I volunteer, it all sounds like such a good idea! Virgo loves to help, man. But later, when I’m knee-deep in the soup and feeling it, I curse myself for of foresight. Note to self: don’t say “Yes” so damn fast!

Today’s Tarot forecast is the inverted Ten of Wands or Lord of Oppression, associated with Saturn in Sagittarius—you’ve got oversized (Sagittarius) responsibilities (Saturn)! As one of the Tarot Tens, we’re wrapping up one cycle in anticipation of starting a new. Tarot Wands are associated with fire, and are all about doing—working, creating, or building. So in short, the Ten of Wands is about carrying a huge load. Inverted, though, you’ve got means of escape.

The point here is to look carefully at what you’re carrying. If you’re load is too heavy, chances are some of it’s not yours. Your friends can figure out their own marriages. Your kids can decide for themselves what job is right for them.  Your coworkers can pick their own doctors. There are three little questions to look at here.

  1. Does the person want my help? If not and we’re talking a competent adult, pursuing is disrespectful.
  2. Do I want to help? Ability does not equal obligation. Am I in the position to take it on?
  3. Is it my place? Am I really “helping” by helping? Because some types of assistance allow people to avoid needed consequences to learn and grow.

One of the hardest parenting lessons I’ve run across is that there are NO magic words for helping a child wise up. You can plant seeds, but you’d best be happy averting your gaze once you have. Otherwise, you’ll drive yourself (and your kids) nuts checking the progress. A little faith is in order here, grasshopper. I didn’t want to raise dependent children. I wanted to raise strong ones. To do that, I had to find the strength within myself to know when to step back and shut up.

There’s a tremendous difference between SUPPORTER and SAVOIR, right up there with the difference between Mother and Martyr. I can drop a hint  (of the feather-weight versus leaden variety), offer insight, provide information, and that’s helpful, meaningful support. I can also tell others what to do, turn my life upside down in their name, or simply absorb their issues as mine—that’s running for savior and even if you manage it, you haven’t really done anything beyond emphasizing helplessness.

Saviors amplify weakness. Supporters amplify strength. Often, the most helpful thing I can do help convince someone they can effectively manage their own issues. That’s how I approach my Tarot work, too. I’d rather serve as cheerleader than crutch. Everybody’s happier and it has a much bigger impact, in the long run. It’s a more economical use of your goodwill. Leaves you with more to spend around.

Do you over-help? Can you find a route out?

Radiant Rider-Waite Tarot
by Us Games Systems

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Everyday Tarot, 07/11/11: Seeking Common Ground | 10 of Cups

ten-cups-daily-tarot-forecastToday is my wedding anniversary. Well, “ours” I guess. I should share it with my husband.  Har! We’ve been married twenty-two years. That’s a Hell of a long time! And you know what’s ragingly obvious after 22 years?

Our relationship, the sense of belonging, the trust we have in one another after all these years together…every single shred of connection we have is the manifestation of a choice we make on a daily basis.

Today’s Tarot forecast is the Ten of Cups or Lord of Perfected Success, associated with Mars in Pisces. Nice to see this card upright! Even reversed, it’s not a bad vibe but upright, there’s a deep, abiding sense of peace surrounding home and family space.

I find it silly, how people refer to marriage anyway. “We’re getting married,” they’ll say. As if you set an appointment to browse and pick out a marriage to take home. I joke with my husband, that I picked him out from the “Slightly Used Husbands Store.” Scratch and dent, but I saw the shine underneath. Lots of good years left in that model!

A wedding is an event—but a marriage, not so much. It’s a deal, an agreement—I’m sorry if that sucks the romance out if it for ya. Call it a “Holy Contract” if you want. I don’t care. Thing is, it IS an agreement, that you’ll be on each other’s side; it’s one deal you make good on (or not), every single day.

That’s a family relationship, spouse or otherwise. Yes, blood is thick, but people can be thicker. There are moments when each of us gets a little crazy, falls short, caves in or screws up. Humanity leaks all over the best of intention, and leaving everyone embarrassed by unsightly stains. So then what?

CherryBlossomWhen it gets messy, loving, then you decide, how much import to grant lapses in the family space. What is most important to you? What feelings (Pisces) are worth fighting for (Mars)? What fights (Mars) can you transcend (Pisces)? This is where the divides are bridged. You can come together here, if you can agree upon where you want to meet.

With my husband and I…well, our execution isn’t perfect, even after many years together. We have a strong marriage, but not because either of us never screws up. We have a good bond because our intention to love and support one another always remains common ground, even on those days were we otherwise make a mess of it. The Ten of Cups keeps us from getting lost on the way by showing common ground. We find our way back to where we like the view.

Have you found common ground?

Morgan-Greer Tarot Deck
by Bill Greer & Lloyd Morgan

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Everyday Tarot, 07/09/11: Lighten up on the Dust Bunnies! Rev. 10 of Cups

ten-cups-tarot-forecastAll around me, I’m seeing people dealing with “old news.” Venus/Pluto action, maybe? Whatever, we’re getting frustrated, impatient and cranky–because these ancient issues are peeking out from under the bed, like so many discarded socks, covered with dust from years of inattention.

You know, I understand. I’m seeing the same thing in my life. But really, when this happens, there is a reason. I’m thinking the reason is that now is exactly the right time to clear out those dust bunnies!

Today’s Tarot forecast is the inverted Ten of Cups or “Lord of Success Perfected,” associated with Mars in Pisces. Sometimes, people are bothered by seeing this card inverted, but to me,  even reversed it’s got a good, harmonious (if not perfectly so) vibe.

Cleaning out Psychic Dust Bunnies - Now's a good time!Tarot tens herald a completion that simultaneously paves the way for a new beginning. Can’t have one without the other. And the Ten of Cups suggests home and family is getting shored up, so you’ll be better equipped to deal with the Tarot Court that follows—the Tarot Cups allow feelings to become integrated. The Page of Cups helps you become aware  of feelings, while the Knight of Cups struggles with what you find. The Queen of Cups examines the roots, to integrate. And the King of Cups teaches you to live true to those feelings. That’s a very powerful cycle to undertake! There’s really no reason to be concerned if it takes a while.

We ARE doing fine, okay? All those of you annoyed, worried, or uncertain because it’s not just DONE already, lighten up. (I include myself in that list, by the way.) There’s the space—the gap, the void between cleaning out the old and replacing it with the new—that makes us uncomfortable. It’s not settled, and we have to take things on faith a minute.

Have you been cussing your dust bunnies?

Tarot of the New Vision (English and Spanish Edition)
by Lo Scarabeo

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Everyday Tarot, 06/07/11: Breaking Free! 10 of Fire

daily-tarot-forecast-ten-wands-osho-zenYou’ll hear Tarot people talk about repeats. Best I can gather, this is an extremely widespread phenomena, and not surprising. Tarot points out truth, sometimes loud!

But I’ve also noticed some repeats are deck specific— whenever I pick up Osho Zen, odds have been 50/50 I’m going to see the card for Today’s Tarot forecast.

[Read more…]

Everyday Tarot, 5/03/11: Not Quite at Home

reversed-ten-pentacles-morgan-greer-tarotOver the last five years or so, my conception of who is my “family” has shifted significantly, albeit unconsciously. It still is in flux and probably always will be, truth be told.

I never planned to redefine “family” every other Christmas! More than anything, people coming and going from my life have forced me to redefine my tribe, lest I find myself seriously lacking on that front. This works pretty well, unless or until remaining family disowns you.

Today’s Tarot is the Inverted Ten of Pentacles, aka “The Lord of Wealth,” associated with Mercury in Virgo. Like all Tarot tens, we are simultaneously ending one cycle and beginning another. Often, this card heralds family celebrations, along with a sense of prosperity and community. It’s all about what makes you feel abundant and prosperous, centering on home and heath.

I talk sometimes about my biological relatives. They are Jehovah’s Witnesses and in case it’s not glaringly apparent—well, I am not. This makes me persona non grata at family functions. Oh well, you know? The break happened over a quarter century ago, so I’d be a mighty slow processor if I was still mourning it much. But that’s not to say it never tweaks me.

Instead, I turned to other sources for a sense of community. My husband, children and friends have all served at times, as well as a number of “online families.” In the rare event I actually feel at home, I mentally adopt those folks! This works pretty well, except when it doesn’t.

My seventh house can Saturn in Pisces can erase relationships as if they never existed. Square a 10th House moon, this process is generally painful and very often, public. For example, upon leaving the Witnesses, it was publicly announced I was being expelled “for conduct unbecoming a Christian.” (Translation: not claiming I still believed the doctrine.) On the rare occasions where it doesn’t go down that way, I’m terribly grateful. But however it goes down, it is and always will be difficult. That’s the nature of this beast, you know?

The inverted Ten of Pentacles suggests that love (Venus) can indeed be a practical (Virgo) matter. While those we recognize as family may not always wholeheartedly accept us as such, we can continue to welcome those who do, and focus on the elements of family and abundance still present in our daily lives. If you’ve distanced from your family for whatever reason, look for other kindred souls to take their place. Individual perception of family may not be more powerful or than blood ties, but it certainly can take the edge off. Get your dinner where you’re best fed.

Does your sense of who your family is change?

Morgan Greer Tarot Deck & Book
by Morgan Greer