When people say someone would “give them the shirt off their own back,” it’s meant as a compliment of generosity. But in reality, giving more than you can comfortably give isn’t a very good idea.
First of all, it’s not sustainable. You need win-win scenarios to be sustainable.
And secondly, it doesn’t convey a message of hope. It conveys the idea that the giver is strong and capable, but the recipient is not. It’s a far more useful gift to help someone find their own strength than demonstrate your own. This is especially true if you aren’t sure of your own stability and resources. That’s a very temporary fix and one you’ll likely to resent eventually.
Next Week in Tarot
This week for the outlook we have exhaustion (Nine of Wands), with advice coming in the form of the Miser (Four of Pentacles) from the beautiful Osho Zen Tarot.
Oy! But we can do this.
Exhaustion is pretty self-explanatory. Exhaustion is about having too much going on, too many moving parts, ending in a bone-weariness from trying to make everything happen just so. I’ve found I’m much more likely to reach this point personally when I try to hold myself responsible for stuff that’s not mine. My own stuff is enough!
If you ever hear yourself asking, “But if I don’t, who will?” Well, that’s a sure sign your nose is in business that’s not yours.
The advice to be “the Miser” may be a bit of a surprise to some of y’all, but I understand it perfectly.
Conserve your energy. Don’t expend resources at a rate you’re not comfortable with just because it looks to you like someone else needs help. Put your own needs first!
Now, people may be thinking this advice is selfish. But I don’t have the same concept of selfishness most do.
First of all, our perspective can only be “selfish.” No matter how hard we try to take into account the opinions of others, we have no option but to see the world from a personal perspective, the perspective of self. Anything else is at best, guesswork.
Many equate the idea of selfishness with fulfilling personal needs at the expense of others. But that is a definition of predatory behavior, not looking after the self! Preying on others does not build up the self, it diminishes it. It’s a form of self-harm, in addition to being hurtful to others. It’s true many predators may not realize this consciously, but that behavior signals weakness and fear, not the kind of “selfishness” I advocate.
When we prioritize our own need, it puts us in the best possible position to be of service to the bigger world. It’s exactly when I’m most healthy, strong and stable–both physically and energetically–I have the most significant value to contribute. In order to stay that way, I have to manage my own needs first.
This coming week, pace yourself and keep account of your own resources, physical or otherwise. Of course you can help out whomever you’d like, but make your offers from a position of strength, always. Furthermore, make sure any assistance acknowledges and amplifies the competence of those you are assisting. Think in terms of encouragement rather than rescue and you’ll be on the right track.There are infinite ways to help that don't imply 'You are incapable.' Focus on those. Click To Tweet
Make space for self-care and manage your resources wisely this week. The rest will work itself out without any trouble.
Are you managing your resources effectively?
If you’re looking for some one-on-one time, give me a shout for a personal consult.