I have resolved to be less judgemental.
Not that I think of myself as particularly judgemental. I am not. If I were shooting for a below-the-mean-rate of judgmentalness, I’ve have it sewn up already.
But when I recently found myself feeling super judgey at folks whom I perceived to be super judgey, the irony wasn’t lost on me. Being judgey at anybody for their judgmentalness makes me one of the judgey! Once you’ve seen this…well, it can’t very well be unseen.
I’d say the results of this personal campaign are mixed.
Most of the time, it’s not too hard. Every person on the planet has their own bag of weirdness, issues and what-have-you. It’s not a big struggle to guess that almost all of them are doing the best they can with whatever neurons are firing off in their heads.
Even those that don’t appear to be doing the best they can, who is to say? Righteousness is subjective and the level of individual certainty on the matter is irrelevant. I don’t trust someone to be right just because they are sure. I look inside for that.
So much of life now seems to be comprised of people lining up to declare what they are for and against, or perhaps it’s “who” instead of “what.” Nobody needs my vote here.
Of course I have my own standards of right and wrong. Maintaining my own standards are my job and one in which I do my best to excel. Nonetheless, other people’s standards are theirs to maintain…and ne’er the twain shall meet.
I initially started this practice because I don’t like feeling judged; I realized if I don’t want it done to me, I also need to avoid doing it to others. It’s the same thing, no matter what side of the table you are sitting on. But I realized as I’ve been working on this a while, it’s also given me a greater sense of freedom. I don’t have to be outraged or convince anyone of anything. I choose to just be the best “me” I can me. That is my contribution to the whole.
If I assume the best and ignore what I consider worst, I am happier. I have less outrage to manage and I can focus on the energy that is most pleasant and important to me. For me, that’s a win. For you? It’s up to you to decide! But I will say, next week looks like this approach would be well-advised.
Next Week in Tarot
The outlook this week in Understanding reversed (Page of Cups), with Projections (Seven of Cups) as advice from the Osho Zen Tarot.
We may hear things people say, but we don’t necessarily get how they’re feeling. Perceived meaning has a lot more to do with us than with them. This is both a personal and collective phenomena.
So understand, assumptions are what we’ve got to work with. Just realize any given assumption says more about the assumer than anything else. So why not choose the assumption that works best for you?
If a call doesn’t come or an email is not returned, why not just assume it isn’t personal? Why not say, “Oh, things must have gotten busy?” over, “Oh, this person doesn’t care about me?”
If I don’t agree with someone…I can listen to see where they’re coming from. I can ignore it and turn my attention elsewhere. I can note the difference and just move on. I’m not required to beat them over the head with my own perspective. Knowing this sure makes it a lot easier to interact with other humans.
I haven’t completely escaped the tendency to be judgemental or those flashes where I assume the worst about someone else or their intentions, towards me or not. But I’m making progress. And that’s all I expect from myself.
Do you usually try to assume the best of others?
Want a personal consult? Give me a holler and we’ll talk.